I have done surprisingly well up to this point
been on track even before the start of the abc
i only had one slip up last weekend at my dads
but we wont tlk about that
its getting harder and harder
not because of the hunger but my mom is starting to really get on my case
especially yesterday as i was in the house most of the day
today shouldnt be that bad tho as i have 2 exams and I will go to the gym straight after
and i wont have time for tea aha
but i might have to have something before i go down the gym
i dont want to be fainting or anything daft
so heres the plan of action
Breakfast - Banana (90 cals)
Lunch - Rivita (Or maybe 2) with Cheesy Triangle and maybe with a bit of salad (Under 100 cals)
Tea - Depends if i have time or i can find anything.... Hopefully not

so bottom line is i am feeling pretty positive
especially considering i stepped on the scales this morning and dont seem to have lost anything
i think my mom lied to me about how many cals were in that fucking sandwhich she forced down me yesterday
ohwel
todays a new day nd if ma mom tries to make me eat n e fin that i havent made or want to eat i will tell er where to go cuz i am sick of her being all up in my fucking face

n e ways
enough of that
POSITIVE REMEMBER
think thin
and wish me luck for ma General Studies exam
judging by how crap i did the other day i am gna need it for these 2
hopefully i can finish em both on time for a change

I did say i wasnt going to eat anything after my mom force fed me:
3 slices of nimble
tuna
and salad cream
She brought up a bag of crisps aswell but i managed to get rid of them somehow
Anyways
get to the point Vic!
yh i did say i wasnt gna av n e fin else but i get so hungry at night
i have just had some soup so hopefully that will keep me goin for the rest of the night
going to the tanning shop for a sunbed so that shud kill bwt 15 mins
i will get back nd do ma anthology notes and copy up ma history revision notes for ma exam
Good plan
under 500 cals again today
day 2 of the abc (y)
Stay strong girlies

Day 2 and already thrs complications
havn't gone over yrt but mom just forced 3 sandwiches down me
good thing i only had fruit this morning
I wouldnt of hd that fucking banana if i knew she was gna pull a stunt like this!
looks like i will be eating naff all tonight
and i aint at the gym either so i will have to find something else to keep my mind occupied
revision? Oh fun :/

Wow i have just looked back at all my posts in my journal
and they are all on bwt me binging
man i am fat ass
oh look.
heres another one to add to the collection
FATTYYYYYY

Today i had a fucking KFC
HOW FUCKING GROSS
My dad made me eat it and watched me which made it even more sickening
i went to the gym and did 2 classes of combat
its not enough i need to do more
arg
FASTING TOMOZ!

Damn this negitivity :@!
but i rli dont fink i can get away wid not eating for a third day
my mom knows what to look out for now and shes onto me
its so annoying
she drops food into every general convo we have... my whole life revolves around counting cals and food restrictions so how will i not notice wen shes deliberatley trying to get me to eat
she sits in front of me scoffing her face making ugly noises like 'YUMMM' and 'ummm'.... SICK!
n e ways goin to the gym this mornin
BACK TO BACK CLASSES BAYBEE!
hopefully bitch face will notice i have lost weight
if not... she will soon enough... she best fucking do :)

Woot
Shock Horror this isnt a post about how suckish my day has been
i only had a banana and a yoghurt drink this morningto keep ma matab happy
went to the gym and did BODY COMBAT! going again tomoz mornin and doing back to back classes of BODY ATTACK AND COMBAT
n e one else into these group fitness things?
I love em
so much more fun that the gym equipment :)
Dont know how long i can keep this whole eating fuck all apart from in the mornings thing going on
cuz unlike most ppl on here my mom does know whats going on
well its pretty difficult to hide things when thrs only you and ya mom living under one roof :(
Stay strong & Think thin <3

:(
i did so well at the cinese aswell
i had 2 veggie somosas and 3 spoonfuls of boiled rice
while my mates sat thr and stuffed thr faces with calorie fested crap
they all sed i looked amazing tho which rli made me happy
and i dodged londis bday cake she was dishing round which also made them ask questions
i didnt even drink n e alcahol i was on diet coke
then they all came back to mine
BIG MISTAKE
maz left her slice of bday cake on my table when rob came to pick her up
i seen it thr
and I ATE IT!
a chocolate lump of shit and i ate it!
and then thr was no stopping me i ate:
2 after eights
3 bowls of cereal with a shovel of sugar on each
and 3 slices of bread with a lorry load of butter on
half a pear and half a banana
i am soo dissappointed with myself cuz i was sooo strong in the cinese place :(
and the annoying thing is i didnt even binge in front of my mates
so they will still be suspicious about my eating habits even tho i actually did eat like a horse
thats it!
when i go out wid my mates to a meal NO ONE IS CUMMIN BACK TO MY HOUSE
i will go straight home and straight to bed
FASTING FOR AT LEAST 3 DAYS NOW!

So its day 2 of my fast
and i am really proud of myself
the hunger has killed me
bt i over come it... even when i passed the canteen and shops :)
but i may have to abandon fast early which i am rli pissed off bwt cuz tomoz is londis bday
and guess what shes doin
going for a bday meal at a chineese place
y cnt no one go to the gym for thr bday
thats what i did :)
its at the night time so i might go down to the gym in the morning
not eat n e fin in the day
then eat a little bit at the chineese... bt i dont stop at a lil bit do i
i binge like a fucking fat ass
i have prooved to myself i  cnt restrict
i have to fast or it just wont work!
grrrr
no... .think positive
i will be gd!
another problem is i am seeing ma dad tomoz
and if e takes me out for a meal tomoz aswell i am deep shit
this happened last time when it was my bday and i went out for a meal (i kinda asked for it rli didnt i)
i persisted that i didnt wnt n e fin from the carvery
bt e forced me to av sum soup... well... ma nan did
AND i had to go out for the meal at the night time aswell
and i cnt use the sme excuse again... although its true this time... they aint gna believe that
nd ma mom wont fend for me cuz she just wnts me to eat like a fucking horse again
AND NOW I AM GETTING STRESSED AND WAFFLING
man i need to listen to sum music and calm down

Started today
its going really well
my fasting buddies which text me throughout the day are rli gd... very motivational
going to the gym later
hope i dont pass out
i dont feel like i will just yet
i feel lighter and thinner already and i aint even done a whole days fasting yet
see how long i can keep this up
3 days is ma goal
bt i am seeing ma dad Saturday
and he already is suspicious
grrrr if only my mom hadnt said n e fin to him
she is such an ass hole at times
binging days are over
i need to break this cycle of starving myself in the day then coming back from the gym and binging on what ever i can get my hands on
so the real challange on whether i can keep up this fast is when i come back from the gym and crave sugary things
I will do this
i need to do this to proove to myself i have the will power
THINK THIN <3

So heres the deal
i aint posted for a while
because i have been eating normally for the past god knows how long and i was ok with that
UNTIL I STEPPED ON THE SCALES
omdz!
i need to stick to a good solid cal count per day
500 should be gd starting point to get back into my regime
i need to start writing in ma diet book aswell
i stopped cuz i was just binging and i didnt even look at the cals in the foods i was shoving down ma neck
how bad am i
argggg
\what am i doin!
i need to get back on track
HELP!

Everyone seems to be noticing now... and funnily enough I dont care lol.
Laura knows i have an ED
she told her mom whos been fussing bwt ma eating habits since day one and on top of that she works with Carrie (My Gym instructor)
Carrie told me to be careful at the gym and sort maself out... which kinda didnt bother me either... I was kinda happy she noticed i had been losing weight
two of ma mates sed i am loosing weight and they are the prettiest grls in the skool in my opinion so i was well chuffed
Ma mom sed if i dont eat she gna send me to a funny farm :/ nice eh?

So i have started this fruit fast, so i got ma mom to buy me all sorts of random fruits from the supermarket
ur meant to do the fast with milk aswell bt i will stick to water (y)
and so far it seems to be going rli well
i am loosing the weight
123lbs... still not gd... bt its cumming off slowly!
i gt ma swimming tonight aswell for ma pool life guard course
so hopefully over the week even more will come off... i just i hope i have enough energy to complete the course and pass it
ded bored
i need more ppls msn addys from LJ so i can av a chat
cuz i am sitting here eating a weight watchers yogurt which i have been dipping into since 11:40 and the pot is tiny
Might work on ma shitty little proana website... distracts me from eating i spose :D

I think the only way to shift this weight is to fast
cuz if i eat something
i just dont stop
then end up binging
its bad!
i aint having no tea n e ways
ma mom can fuck off!
i have too much today
i just about to add it all up
i am dreading it
oh god!!!!

been eating out at the Garam Masala for 2 wks!
twice in one weekend!
thats well bad
thought i was recovering
but call me crazy i dont want to recover
i like the feeling of accomplishment when your within you cal count
i like the feeling of thin!
fuck recovery, back to cal counting!

DAMN YOU TOBY CARVERY
i went over by 66 cals
not alot but i feel as if i av let myself down
i went on the website to look at the nutritional information before we went
but ma mom was rushing me so i didnt have chance to look at what i was going to eat
so in conclusion i had 466 calories instead of the intended 400!
i have probs burnt the 67 off today from wlking round walsall all day shopping but even so it shouldnt of happened
my dad norm takes me to the carvery at weekends if i go round penkridge wiv the grandparents
so i might just save a meal in myfitnesspal.com and stick to that when ever i go to the carvery
grr at mom for rushing me!
grr at roast potatoes!
& grr at toby c!
tomorrow is 600 cal allowance
might knock 66 cals off tho for over eating today!
so 534 cal allowance tomoz
other than the excess 67 cals today!
operation 2,4,6,8 is going all gd :D

Started ma 2,4,6,8 diet today
189 cals today so i was within my allowance
400 cals allowance tomoz
going out wid the mom tho and i think she gna take me to eat out somewhere
so i duuno if i should have breakfast or not
see how i feel in the morning i guess
i will probs just have a diet coke or something
might not get time to eat in the mornin hopefully
oh i duno what to do
decisions, decisions....

ANYWAYS its going well so far
a little too well
i am sure i am gna mess this up somehow
trying to stay positive tho
went to the gym aswell today so i burnt off all ma cals i have ate today so theoretically I haven't had any calories :D

The real test will cum tomoz tho
i am going clothes shopping wid ma mom
and i at least wnu fit in a size 10 in most shops! if not all!
any how i am gna get meself  diet coke and go to bed cuz i am starting to get hungry and the snack a jacks downstairs are calling my name
eeeek!
Night LJ
THINK THIN <3

Why do i keep doing this
i keep thinking to myself i gta stop this i need to stop counting cals
so i eat and eat and eat
and binge til i feel bloated and ill
then i enter it all into my cal counter
and then i feel like crap
i have to stop
i have to stop binging
2468... i think i will try that tomorrow
yes
thats the plan
i off to the gym tomoz aswell
body combat and treadmill!
grrrrrrr!

I aint wrote in here for a bit
felt a bit guilty as i have binged like mad on ma bday
i didnt intend to
i had it all planned out nd everything
bt den doreen and Laura kept buying me cakes!
they already on to me that i have an ED and they watch me take every mouthful eeek!
so i had to sit thr scoffing ma face wid victoria sponge cake when i had been binging like mad the night before at the chinese
Ohwell
ma bdays over now
at last
and i dont have to dodge n e more cakes or bday meals
i can just concentrate on eating what I want, when I want
488 calories today
burnt of just over 600 apparently
probs not accurate
but it makes me feel gd so i aint really bothered
not going to the gym again until friday
so i need to watch what i am eating a bit more until then
i could of just stayed at 417 cals today
i feel a bit guilty
but i  watched ma programme tonight and i always have to eat something whilst watching the TV... it sucks!
Anyway i am off to bed
i really have been feeling so tired of late
normally i can just about cope bt this is madness!
Night LJ

omg
what have i done
what was the point in going to the gym!
i came home and my mom cooked a pizza
i said i didnt want any and my mom accepted that
and it was thr on the size
and i had 350g worth of fucking pizza!
omdz
i have had more than 2,000 cals today and i have only burnt just over 1,000 off at the gym
what the hell is happening to me i am turning into a pig!
tomorrows a new day
THINK THIN VIX
THINK FUCKING THIN!

LAST NIGHT WAS SO BAD  
i binged bad ways
i did go out for a meal for ma bday bt i didnt stop thr
i had ma bday cake and loads of pringles plus champagne
omdz!
i also had chips when i had ma meal which i said i wouldnt
oh god
i am dreading standing on the scales again
gym tonight tho
bt i have 2 essays to complete for tomorrow
so i duno if i will have time to go
no... i NEED to go
i will stay in today
do ma essays
go to the gym
and go to bed
not eating at all today if i can help it
just breakfast to get my metabolism going and thats it!